Last week I attended a meeting where an overly caffeinated facilitator wanted the room to participate in the age-old torture ritual of an Ice Breaker. Doesn’t that bring up a vicious image: a bunch of people frozen, encased in ice, which must be gnawed at and hacked at until finally numb, trembling hands can be raised in greeting to one another?
Worse, her Ice Breaker question was: Name something that gives you the heebee-jeebees.
Really. She said “heebee-jeebees” with an immobile smile and Botox/latte eyes.
So of course the obvious answer is: I’m skeeved by Facilitators with Ice Breakers. The first person took that. Lazy bastard.
Next obvious answer: Clowns. Also taken early on. As were spiders, roaches, snakes, felons, germy keyboards, germy hotel rooms, germy anything was really popular actually, but also a very safe answer. No one is going to raise an eyebrow if you say germs, that’s one thing I learned.
I gave one chick a nod for her really honest answer: the liquid on top of yogurt or sour cream. Her delivery was really convincing. I thought she might vomit right there. In fact, I was surprised the next person didn’t say “people looking like they will vomit gives me the shakes” because vomit was really present in the zeitgeist of the room.
It was getting close to my turn. I wanted to say “rashes” but I didn’t, because I didn’t want to add to the “vomit zeitgeist.” But it is very true. People seem to know this rash issue about me, and some subliminal force makes them want to show me their rashes. Everyone wants a rash witness, I guess. Kind of like a “smell this” bad milk witness.
A long time ago I worked at a homeless shelter for battered women and would all the time get women cornering me and saying “Would you look at this rash?” They would have their bra elastic up or their pants elastic down before I could say “Desitin, top drawer!” I don’t want to be the rash go-to girl, but it still happens in various settings. I think I have that kind of helpful-nurse demeanor. I once helped a college roommate find and remove a lost tampon, too, but that’s another story.
So I didn’t mention either “rashes” or “tampons creating Toxic Shock Syndrome in cavernous vaginal canals” as my skeevy bits, which I think showed great restraint in respect for the professional setting. I also didn’t say “when people search for ‘tasty pony porn’ on Google and disturbingly find their way to my site,” because not everyone would understand that little displeasure. As you can see, I put a lot of thought into picking my Ice Breaker answer. I play for reals, people, I don’t slack during the day.
So when it was my turn, I bravely told the truth without being graphic…I thought. When it came my time to crack my personal ice, I shared that what really gives me the heebee jeebees is not knowing what people are thinking, and how people could be thinking the most heinous or unsettling things in the same room or elevator as you, and you don’t know it. You might feel it, you might sense the air ruffling a bit or the light growing slightly dimmer around the dank aura of the dark thinking person, but you don’t really know, do you?