And nobody told me?

It wasn’t the worst party ever, but it was pretty bad. I hate to sound ungrateful. Any invitation to someone’s home should be treated with more grace than I am about to levy right now. But you know how you feel after you sucker yourself into watching the two-hour Bachelor special, cotton-brained about yourself and…

I brought My Sugar fifty roses yesterday for her 50th birthday. Fifty long-stemmed red Charlottes in two huge vases. I envisioned walking into her office with my arms full of beauty and cocking my head in a charming way as the magnificent sight and perfume reached deep into her soul to make her feel happy…

I was in my early 20s, living in St. Louis after spending summer and fall in Europe pretending to be poor. I stretched the money I had earned during my last year in college by being expatriate-moveable-feast poor. I spent little and lived on the student hostel breakfast and coffee and drinks and maybe a…

My Sugar is from Miami but loves the skein of years she spent running a farm in the hills of North Carolina. I’m from St. Louis but for a handful of years–about the same piece of time that MS was farming, actually– I lived in the deep woods in a primitive cabin. We each occasionally…

With soggy, stormy weekends like this one, how am I going to work on my tan lines? Worse, very few tan-lined bodies are walking around town, and I heart a smart tan line. My love of fleshlines might border on a fetish because I think they are highly erotic, but I don’t go out of…

Friday afternoon: this is the important decision point of your week. It is the time that you ask yourself: how is the weekend looking for my booty? One way or the other, the weekend is about the booty. Are you going to shake your booty, sit on your booty, work your booty off, get your…

Lately, I’ve been wanting to get a little monkey. We have a hamster, Squeeky, and I love that little hammy, but I think I also want a monkey. A small one who could travel around with me in my laptop bag or in the hoodie of a sweatshirt. A pocket monkey. No, I don’t want…

I am absolutely obsessed with the story of the Japanese woman who lived undiscovered in a man’s apartment closet on and off for a year before being busted. Did you hear about this? She gained access one day when he left the door unlocked and set up a cozy nest in a spare closet shelf, but he…

Apparently one-half of the world will be spending part of their weekend sneaking cosmopolitans into Sex and the City: The Movie. Well, maybe not the women of Bhutan, because their “Happiness Index” policies mean that they limit advertising in the country, as advertising makes people unhappy and focused on consumption. The Bhutan chicks might not have seen…

I’m traveling right now, and so I am acutely aware of a particularly heinous (all rights for the phrase “particularly heinous” belong to NBC; used with permission) crime that is perpetrated in airports, planes, and free wi-fi hotspots. It is a nasty crime, leaving its victims feeling dirty, violated and vulnerable. The psychology of the…