I brought My Sugar fifty roses yesterday for her 50th birthday. Fifty long-stemmed red Charlottes in two huge vases. I envisioned walking into her office with my arms full of beauty and cocking my head in a charming way as the magnificent sight and perfume reached deep into her soul to make her feel happy and fabulous and loved.
When I pulled into her office parking lot, I saw her leaving her building with envelopes in her hand to walk to the mailbox on the corner. Instead of making an entrance, I thought I could switch plans and beat her to her office to surprise her with that magnificent sight/perfume/cocking thing. So I quickly parked illegally, grabbed the vases and tried to stealth-florist-ninja way it into her office. Except the vases weighed an aquarium ton because they were full of florist water with that cocaine stuff stirred into it. So I’m sloshing and hobbling my way through the courtyard, but fuck if I can’t open the door because I am carrying two colossal shark tanks with rose petal juice and dust now clawing at my eyes and sinuses and begging me to sneeze.
All I could do was duck behind the staircase pillar and then sort of clear my throat and say “Hey, Baby” as she passed me by. It was so random it took her a minute to process the whole thing, and before she was even done I had to beg her to take one of the vases from me before I sneezed and dropped them both into a pile of glass shards and thorns. Happy Birthday!
She loved it though, and it was almost perfect in that way where you think maybe you’re in a movie doing this thing and soon the townspeople will gather around to watch you kiss.
But instead I just left and took an unexpected drive with my kids where we had another movie moment. We sang some Beatles and fought over which album was better, Rubber Soul or Revolver, and then we were singing Bohemian Rhapsody with incredible precision and passion except the power on A’s laptop cut off RIGHT at the “Mama Mia” part! But we continued right on brilliantly with no back-up. Oh, baby, can’t do this to me baby, just gotta get out, just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here! Well, two of us thought we sounded bitching
So yesterday I had cameos in two movies, and today I’m just working working working and might have forgotten to get all of the conditioner out of my hair because it seems very flat. Is this kind of how it is for Angelina? That’s what I thought.