My son was born when I was 22. At that blissfully naïve point in my motherhood (you know, before I actually started), I was convinced that I just needed to figure out how to be a mother and then everything would be fine.
HA!
The thing that nobody told me, was that the very moment I thought I had it figured out, would be about two seconds before the kid completely changed. Without fail.
The moment I start thinking that I’ve got this discipline thing figured out, they grow indifferent to the punishment and I have to think of a more suitable one.
Just when I think I have the whole sleep training/bedtime thing beat, they start waking up for midnight parties and I have to remember how to function on three hours of sleep.
And don’t go thinking I’ve got a healthy eater or she will surely refuse to eat anything but a steady diet of bread.
I used to think it was a power/control/boundary thing. I have now decided it’s nature’s way of weeding out the weakest links. Those of us who can’t hack it, go slowly insane and get culled from the herd.
Or maybe it’s the kids conspiring against me because I won’t let them watch as much TV as they want. I have become their personal entertainment.
In all seriousness, my job as a mother continues to evolve on a day to day basis. You know how people who work intense jobs–like an emergency room—will tell you that their job is so interesting because no two days are exactly the same? Sometimes I feel the same is true of motherhood.
While there are times when it feels like I’ve spent the entire day butting heads with my kids, the next day they might be really cuddly or inquisitive; and then we get to spend the whole day snuggling while looking up answers to their questions about the universe.
My favorite days lately are the ones when I get to be a life-coach and my son and I get into these deep discussions about being a good person. Because when he was two years-old and I thought the trick to being a good mom was figuring out how to get him to use the toilet, I never even thought about the seven-year-old-young-man who would wax poetic about the nature of friendship, responsibility and keeping promises.
Nobody ever told me how much I would grow as a mother while they were outgrowing their clothes.
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This post had me nodding my head and then saying “awww” at the description of your favorite days.
But I am SO still at that “I just need to figure out how to be a mom” phase. In all aspects of life that has been the case – I just had to take some time to learn the role then I could master it. My brain still wants to go there for sure, but I am slooooowly learning that that’s not how it works for mothering. I have a feeling that once the baby turns into a toddler, my own learning curve will speed up!
It’s totally not how it works with mothering. I re-learn that almost every day. It’s just a giant lesson in relax and take it one day at a time. Especially when you’re frustrated/exhausted/being hard on youself. Especially then. As long as you love your baby more than life itself (which 99% of us do), then you’ve mastered the thing that’s important.
omg omg omg omg omg omg…………I need to print this and hand it out. I constantly have people who are newer parents than I asking me about this and if there is anything I’ve learned about parenting is that there is NO constant, and it never helps to stress over things that are just gonna change anyways.
That IS something I think new parents don’t get told……..all these books that are out make it seem like if you just learn whats in the book, you’ll be all set. The books don’t tell you they are only good for a very finite period of time.
Maybe we need to start throwing out the books………..thats another tangent……
throwing the book sout indeed. I read ALL the books with my first pregnancy. With my second I thought, I haven’t read those books in a while, maybe I should look over them again. I threw them out one by one because I don’t think any one person knows what *Everyone* else should do. The books make me laugh. We all just have to love our kids the best we can and do what’s right for them and our family. There is no formula.
This is so completely true! Thanks for your honesty!
Thanks for reading it. It’s hard to admit that we don’t have any real hard method behind the madness, but it’s true most of the time. One little day at a time, just love them as much as we can and find the best solution one problem at a time.
Um, yeah! This is something I have learned in my short 2.5 years as a mom. It is both exciting and frustrating. They never, NEVER let you feel like you have things all figured out. I’m still struggling with that.
Girrrl, I’m still struggling with that and my oldest is 7.5. I think parents of grown children still struggle with it
. As long as we have breath in our lungs, we are mothers. And that requires constant evolution through that relationship. Absolutely nobody told me that.
I think they are trying to get me culled from the herd….
Ummm, I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is truly the hardest and most rewarding “responsibility” I have ever had.
Right on! Parenting in general is work in progress with no end in sight – sorry, new moms, not the news you want to hear. Generally speaking it’s a game with constantly changing rules and there is no manual which can catch up with that.
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